Where's my weekly dose of soma?

Yesterday i was woken by a phone call - way too early for a Sunday morning, might add - one of my students, screaming into my ear, 'We won! We won!' What the f*ck?? 'Eurovision! Azerbaijan won!!!' i'm thinking to myself, 'ask me now if i care,' yet ever the polite foreign guest, i did my best to feign interest - even enthusiasm - understanding immediately why the city's noise level was totally off the charts (yes, pun intended) last night, cringing at the realization that the coming week is going to meet all my criteria for cultural hell.

i do love thinking about ministers arguing over dismantling Schengen while the rest of Europe and its wannabe masses are fussing over dance costumes. Something of a Huxleyian brilliance in that, no? Out and about in the afternoon, i noticed that the urban wildlife was also frantically running around like - well, like rats, which is what they were. A second poignant vision, almost too much metaphor for someone who didn't get enough sleep.

Anticipating that Eurovision will be THE number one topic in all my classes this week, i dutifully checked out the Guardian UK's contest blog and then immediately wished i hadn't.

Our hosts for the evening are Anka, who is wearing a red dress like a 70s shagpile rug and a over-tight ponytail; Judith, who is wearing Bacofoil and doing the French bits, and a man called Stefan who is the actual Swedish Chef off the Muppets. He is talking about TV vankings. I hope these are rankings.

Ah, there's nothing like a bit of set-piece intro comedy, is there? Lena can't perform last year's winning song, Satellite, because she is also competing this evening, so Stefan and Anke are performing a rockabilly version.

Imagine how bad that could possibly be, and then multiply it by about 7 MILLION.

They have no been joined by 43 Lena lookalikes waving the flags of Europe. And now the actual Lena, doing the final chorus. And a full swing band. And many, many, fireworks.

My head hurts.

i stopped there cuz my head hurt, too. This is just NOT something i'm ever going to care about. Over on facebook, i'm inundated with Nakhba news and Israel's IDF shooting at people on all their borders. You want bright lights and meaningful crooning? Here's my eurovision antidote.